The radiation has stopped the tumor growth on Bryce’s heart, so let’s hear it for good news! Unfortunately, the tumor load in his lungs is out of control, completely dwarfing any cardiac related paranoia I have nurtured recently. We haven’t scanned the rest of his body for about a month, but nothing else could be scarier than what we’re seeing right now.
I had to have my moment of breakdown, but I’m tapping into my reserves and trying to be tough. We all are doing that right now, including Bryce. He wants to know when we can move to plan B, which will probably be IL2. His heart and lungs might not tolerate it, but the alternative is grim. The bigwig powwow will be tomorrow, as Admiral Dad has placed calls to all of Bryce’s doctors.
The Brown and Sellers families, as always, immediately descended upon our home to support, mourn, and strategize together. Team Bryce!
I wonder whether Dani can sense something. She has been fussy today, and keeps waking up tonight. I thought she lost her pacifier, but she was screaming through her binky. Maybe it’s just teething? I woke up to a horrific noise over her baby monitor yesterday morning, and ran in to see what it was. She was grinding her new top tooth onto her bottom teeth. I guess it erupted overnight! That makes 3 teeth. I’m normally orally fixated enough to draw a diagram about the horrors of tooth grinding, but this can wait. Dang, she’s cute. Although she’s here with us most of the time, I miss her. My thoughts are elsewhere, and I’m feeling VERY guilty for that. She has been well taken care of. The grandparents, aunts, and neighbors (Beth, Amy, Val, and all of your wonderful kids!!) have been so good to her. Thank you so much!
We have been the subjects of so many compassionate acts of service, and I need to thank everybody. Every other night, a hot meal shows up at our door. The lawn has been mowed, Dani has had sitters, we have had fun visitors, our peaches were picked last night, this website is beautifully constructed and maintained, and I was given a pedicure in my family room last night! Our church is behind these selfless acts and many more. I can’t begin to list names, so I’ll thank VV9 in general. I also have to thank Christine, who sent Bryce her special healing coin, and Suzan, who sent Bryce a prayer blanket from her church congregation. It is beautiful, and I wish my DSL worked right now so I could upload a picture of Bryce wrapped up in his blankie with his coin taped to his heart. We haven’t even met these women, yet they have taken time from their own melanoma nightmares to do very special things for Bryce. We are humbled, and hope to pay it forward when the time is right.
Bryce and I had a special visit today from Erin Herrin and her two adorable girls, whom you may recall were conjoined at birth, and then separated last year amid a huge media circus. Their grandpa came to visit us last week; he is one of the 1% who kicked cancer’s butt. (www.ikickedcancersbutt.org). Dr. Isotope hooked us all up. It has been such a privilege for us to meet these brave people whom have defied the odds and made a difference in so many lives. Amy, thanks for the pedi and for introducing us to your sister. That entire family is a miracle.
People constantly ask us how they can help, and I have just figured it out. LOVE ONE ANOTHER. We have seen this in action. What a beautiful thing. Spouses, cuddle up tonight as though it were the last cuddle. Don’t fixate on silly, inconsequential things. Some day you may give anything to be able to deal with those annoyances just one more time. Hug, kiss and appreciate your relationship. Humbly thank God for the chance you have had to spend such wonderful times with each other. Embrace your kids, and shed your tears of gratitude for such wonderful miracles in your lives. Climb onto your bed with your spouse and kids and watch a movie together. Hold your family tight as if you will never let go. Take pictures and video of your family together, and record messages for one another. Slather your kids with sunblock! Spend time with your family and friends. I never thought this would happen to us, especially in our early 30’s with an infant daughter. This means it could happen to anybody. LOVE LIFE. As my good friend Reed says, “Be Happy Every Day.” That is what we need.
Bryce, I love you so much. You are my hero. It is such an honor to be your wife and best friend. Thank you for loving me equally. Thank you for loving my quirks. Thank you for accepting that I will make us late for everything. Thank you for proving that a marriage is a two-way street, and for making me feel special and smart and beautiful. Thank you for loving my pink hair. Thank you for our beautiful baby, who is so much like you. Thank you for enduring the glare of my laptop as I write late at night, but not caring because you’d rather have me snuggle with you as I type. I love your snoring and your addiction to chocolate peanut butter ice cream. I love that you chat with strangers as if you were long-lost buddies. I love that you always give people the benefit of the doubt, and refuse to judge them based on their weaknesses. I love your obsessions with golf and Porsches. I love that you refuse to give up, and will fight like hell to keep our family together. I AM BLESSED.